Masking the Real Question…


It’s time for me to confess something that is not only embarrassing, but painfully truthful. It is something I have struggled with for years; probably as far back as I can remember. It is a part of my DNA that has remained hidden, even in the most open and loving relationships.  Ready for the truth? I’m actually asking myself that question, not you…

I’m a liar; a deceitful, shame-filled liar.

I lie to you, I lie to my family, I even lie to my pastor. I could not even begin to count how many times I have lied, even this past week! And what I lie about is what is so surprising, especially belonging to a church with the vision “real with ourselves, God and others.” Please hang with me though because this confession may turn around and hit you on the backside faster than a bullet-train zipping through the green inland of Japan (WHOOOSH).

There happens to be one question, just one simple question that we all tend lie about when asked. I know that may seem doubtful, but you may be just as big a liar as I am.  It’s a question that begs for a mask to be put on; to cover up the deepest recesses of our soul.  A question that demands relief, sews fig leaves and necessitates hiding in the garden.  Are you ready to see if you are a big fat liar like me? It’s about to get real here folks. Here is that question…

How are you doing today?


Yup, you heard it right. “How are you doing today?” It is a simple question indeed.  It is a “surfacy” question that actually bids for an answer from deep within the heart; a question that immediately puts you and I in a predicament we are not willing to address; rather we desperately search for wiggle room to slide out of a truthful response. Seems so inconsequential, doesn’t it?

Think with me for a minute about this elementary question that everyone asks, or are asked nearly every day of their lives. It comes in many shapes and sizes too. The variations include:

  • “How are you doing today?”
  • “What have you been doing with your life?”
  • “How’s your family doing?”
  • “What’s been happening at work lately?”

As I sit here and reflect on that question (or those questions), it really is not a very fair question to ask in the first place. I mean, think about it, you’re asking someone to give a response that digs to the core of their being. Most of us, from time to time, are facing immense pressures in life that would find us putting on a proverbial mask. I do not blame you one bit for lying in moments bearing this type of insolent questioning. But could there be a better way? Might there be a way to ask this question, or even answer this question allowing the “real” you and me to come out in that moment?

Wilson-home-improvement-tv-show-33144924-1024-768.pngThis all reminds me of Wilson from the 90’s hit TV show, Home Improvement. In a twist of blog irony, Wilson never showed his full face to the public. He had many ‘thought-provoking’ conversations with Tim “the Toolman” about the struggles of Tim’s life and the difficulties he was facing with his business, marriage, kids and more. And isn’t that exactly what we do?  We hide just a little bit of our real selves behind a fence. We are never really able to come out from behind the veil and allow our full selves to be shown in all our less-than-perfect glory. Please hear what I am about to say; it is so key to our growth.

Hiding behind the fence or putting on a mask never affords us the opportunity to truly heal from whatever is plaguing our lives.

Hiding is a defense mechanism. We falsely believe that it will keep any more bad from happening to us. In one sense it may just do that. It actually might keep more harm from infiltrating our broken spirits. But, something else is left out as well, something extremely vital to our lives gets shut out as we lock the door on the emotional boogey-man.

Nothing good ever gets in either…

I really hope that hits your core. When we shut out the bad, we also slam the door on the good. As we put up walls, wear masks, hide behind fences and operate in the shadows, we may be shutting out the bad stuff in life, but we are also preventing any of the good stuff from entering in as well. What is that good stuff? Healing.

As we begin to open up our lives to Godly people; you know, the people that love you and are willing to encourage you, speak truth to you, provide grace to you and have deep compassion on you, they will help you heal from your emptiness. Your situation may be your past, it may be your present or it may be something you will be facing in the future. In any instance, a good man or woman of God can help lead you to calmer waters where a fresh drink of crystal clear water awaits. But, it takes a risk. It takes the willingness to answer the question, “how are you doing today?” with truth.

Two final, yet important thoughts. First, I am not suggesting you answer that question with just anyone or at any time it is posed. There is wisdom in determining the appropriate time to share and with whom. I am giving you permission to continue lying when asked that question from the general public. Not everyone needs to know your junk, especially if they are a casual encounter or someone that lacks wisdom. Sharing your life with just anyone can result in further damage, so be wise in this area.

But secondly, this message, this blog is about being real. As I mentioned earlier, the vision of Sandals Church is “real with ourselves, God and others.” I have found, alongside thousands of other people at church, that healing begins when we get real with our lives. It begins first with our selves, second with confession to God and finally a disclosure of our full selves to another person. Yes it can be (and often is) embarrassing to share our dirty, deeply held secrets, but the payoff if monumental. If you have a desire to grow and heal in your life, I can absolutely promise you that being real is a major key to breaking through the barriers that keep you from full restoration.

Yes, I may be a liar. And, I confess it! But I am learning to risk being real, especially with people that I know love me and want to see me grow. As the years have waded on, my lying has given way to being “real” and has shown up in many more of my conversations. The kicker? Scores of people come to me about getting real with their lives, and I’m seeing them heal left and right. It is no shortage of beauty to experience lives changing.

Love you guys! Praying for you, please pray for me.